I’m back…

Sorry for the lack of updates, I wish that I can say I’m back after fighting cancer, or even a deadly strain of flu or kidney failure. But the truth is I’ve just been lazy. I guess in that respects I’m a good American. Oh yeah, if I forgot to mention that before in the course of my blog, apologies…no wait, that’s right, you don’t really care if I’m American or not. All you care about is -reading- watching youtube and perhaps thinking naughty thoughts about the neighbor’s wife, who just happened to changing in the window. Hey, either way – I understand. No really. I do.

The amazing thing about the Internet, or as some senators call it, the ‘tubes, is there is an almost unlimited amount of content out there for you to consume. Think about it. You could stay up all night tonight, and all day tomorrow, and repeat that for the rest of your life and you still won’t see or read everything there is to read or watch online. The web, the Internet, is expanding like the universe in a way. Technology is moving us forward. Feeling dizzy? We’re traveling at an amazing speed through innovation while taking a back seat in our own lives. We’ve ceased to ‘live’ our lives, we’ve given in to the beast online. We’re now corporate prey. We’re hostage to bad ads, terrible amateur videos about getting hit in the crotch over and over again with a football, and other mindless distractions so much so that we’re missing our kids take their first steps, go on their first dates, and contract herpes for the fourth time.

It’s everywhere. Its on our phones. Its on our TVs. Computers. Watches. Cars. Cafe’s. Restaurants. Do you have a microchip in your brain with internet capability yet? You will. The moment you stop thinking for yourself and nod in agreement with what some jackoff on youtube or CNN.com says is the moment you might as well be castrated and get a bolt through the skull with a microchip implanted that says “I listen to the man.” It doesn’t matter who the “man” is. You’re a slave, a hostage. There’s nothing you can do about it.

The irony is you’re reading this online. Did you nod your head at the last paragraph. That makes me the man. Did I contradict myself? I prefer to think of it as creatively defending my own juxtaposition. Let that swirl for a minute, then go back to watching stupid pet tricks or scan through more pictures of cute and cuddly kittens and puppies while drooling on your mouse. And don’t forget about dinner in the oven, or junior upstairs who’s been sitting in a pile of his own shit for the last 30 minutes because you had to check your Facebook status.

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This entry was posted on Friday, August 27th, 2010 at 1:17 pm and is filed under Mental Masterbations. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.


One Response to “I’m back…”

  1. Elmer Says:

    Yo! Is it OK if I go a bit off topic? I’m trying to read your website on my iPad but it doesn’t display properly, any suggestions? Thanks! Elmer

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